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Friday, January 22, 2010

i am so fing' frustrated with myself right now.

so, i have been doing this 'lifestyle change' business for almost two months now.
i am averaging about a half pound loss a month.
am i complaining?
because thats better than a gain. and my habits are changing. i am healthier. and stronger. i can run harder. and my body has been gaining definition.
blah blah blah.

its my food.
what the shit is my problem?
its like i am afraid of being hungry.
i follow my eating plan. but i am still eating more than my body needs.
its so damn frustrating.
we put sooooo much food in our bodies. they really dont need it. not that much. its not like i am training for the olympics... and i am at the gym/working out for at least 2 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. i know that i need more calories than the average, sedetary american.
but i need to get over the hunger. i am not going to die.
i have been using a rewards system for myself.
i eat within my goal, i add $5 to a special fund.
thats not working right now, not enough motivation.

so i have a better plan.

and i have a pair of my sisters jeans.
they are size five. and they look great on me. but they are really tight in the middle.
i want to wear them with a tshirt and not feel like a sausage.
i want a massive side tattoo.
and i want to be a personal trainer.

i know what to do. and i know how to do it. i live such a healthy lifestyle.
i need to cut 200 calories out a day.
i can do this...

so, here it is..
i am tearing out my meal plan.
and i am going to town on a new one.
i am doing this.
stupid hunger.
i am going to kick your ass...