Pages var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-1743

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

: my personal struggle : peace, balance and creating a life you love :

hey everybody.
i hope your tuesday is beautiful.
its still sunny and in the 70s here ; this is what biking trails were made for.

today, i wanted to write about a personal struggle i have been dealing with lately.
right now, i work two jobs.
i nanny part-time for a little guy that i have been with since the beginning.
and i also work for myself full-time trying to establish and succeed with :dianapantz:

for years and years, my motto has been ; 'if its not fun, stop doing it.'
and i mean it. i have lived that motto for as long as i can remember. i have traveled and lived all over the country by myself. i have been in wonderful relationships that have gone bad. i have ended friendships that became stressful and distanced.

i have worked with kids for 10 years. its the only job i have ever had. and i am good at it. i mean it ; i have no reservations around kids. i am confident and work well with small humans.

my struggle?
doing something i have to do vs doing something i love.
the little boy i work for is a hard baby. i mean it. lots and lots of crying and so extremely hard to engage. i started working with him last year when he was just 3 months old. back then, i was already feeling a bit of burn-out from working with kids. knowing i wanted to do something else, but not sure what.

in the past year, i have really found my stride and fallen in love with the idea of running dianapantz full-time. its all i think about it. always thinking of new things. new products. ways to engage my readers and how to gain new followers. making connections. meeting new friends and business owners to inspire me.

so whats the problem?
well, the screaming baby helps pay the rent. dianapantz is getting closer each month, but isnt enough to pay all my bills, loans and expenses.

so what do i do? [honestly, i would love your feedback]
i am so ready to take my business to the next level. to create a full-time schedule. to wake up in the morning and sew. and ride my bike. and blog. and go to bed happy & satisfied. [ i want this!]

i come home each night with a two-page to-do list, a knot in my chest and stress written all over my face. i spend 8 hours with a baby that screams and cries all.the.time.
and once i ride home, i have to work out. clean. be a good partner. read a book. and run a business.
its a lot to handle.

i can feel each and every day i am becoming more and more defeated. quicker to snap at blake or my family. i avoid going in public cuz i cant take one more minute of children screaming and crying. i have so little energy after work. i hate not being pumped to wake up and go to work..

'if its not fun, stop doing it'
thats my answer right? i put my faith in my business, work my butt off and things will work out.
[but what about my loans? and our rent?]

any advice?
similar situations?
how do you deal with the stress of doing what you love vs doing what you have to?